Hello and welcome back to Leaning Curve. Today I want to talk to you about conflict behaviours and an experience I made not too long ago which was quite upsetting at the time. I am currently doing some corporate design work for a client as part of my degree. Unfortunately the client is based in Germany so our communication is limited to E-Mail and Skype conferences.
About two weeks ago we had a conflict situation about a logo design and the expectations of my work outcome. To quickly give you an understanding of the situation here a short recap: Owner1 did not communicate directly with me, letting Owner2 explain the discrepancy in expectations regarding my work. My reaction was probably too impulsive writing an email demanding further details and defending my actions.
About two weeks ago we had a conflict situation about a logo design and the expectations of my work outcome. To quickly give you an understanding of the situation here a short recap: Owner1 did not communicate directly with me, letting Owner2 explain the discrepancy in expectations regarding my work. My reaction was probably too impulsive writing an email demanding further details and defending my actions.
Long story short: Our very different conflict behaviours hindered us to effectively talk to each other to overcome the conflict and the situation resulted in upsetting all parties.
In the aftermath I realised many things I could have done differently to promote better communication but you always know better afterwards right? So I thought I take this opportunity to explain some of the different conflict resolution approaches to give you a better understanding of your own conflict behaviour and maybe help you to find a quicker and better way to resolve your next conflicts.
1) Competing / Forcing
This approach is power oriented meaning that you use what ever measure that seems appropriate to defend the position you believe is correct.
This approach is power oriented meaning that you use what ever measure that seems appropriate to defend the position you believe is correct.
2) Accommodating
This individual neglects his own concerns to satisfy the other party involved.
3) Compromising
This approach is about finding a quick agreement that partially satisfies all parties involved.
4) Avoiding
This person does not deal with the conflict by withdrawing themselves from a threatening situation or postponing issues until a ‘better time’.
5) Collaborating
This approach involves all involved to work together to find a solution that satisfies all concerns. This is the most desirable style as it fully takes underlying needs of the individuals into account leading to a creative solution.
Reading through these approaches, I can see that my Forcing-resolution style was counterproductive in the situation I explained above. Unfortunately I noticed that I can get very passionate about my stand points in conflict situations, not willing to settle for less. However knowing this I can now work on my conflict resolution skills trying to be more patient to collaborate towards a mutual satisfying solution.
But enough talk about myself. I am curious to hear from you now. Which conflict behaviour do you find yourself using? And have you ever experienced a situation like me, where differing resolution approaches kept you from finding a solution for your problem?
Thanks for reading and commenting. Laura
I know situation like the ones you described. But I'm not sure you can divid these types of approaches so sharp. Sometimes its better to react on the conflict and choose the best strategy and approach - sometimes you have to take a mix of them.
ReplyDeleteHow do you have this situation and the conflict resolved?
Hello FT, thanks for reading my blog.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that those approaches seem a bit like they are from a "text book" and that every conflict needs an individual solution and approach.
The conflict was resolved by letting each party explain their point of view and it was only then that we all understood each other and found a solution that worked for all of us. But you know, in the heat of the moment such clear thinking was beyond me :p
It wasn't my intention to say your words come from a text book, it was just a bit to much of putting the types into drawers (kind of german saying - hope its understandable outside of this goose-stepper-country ;)
ReplyDeleteGood to hear that your issue was solved in the way you wanted.
Hi, FT
DeletePlease don't worry I know what you meant and yes they do seem like quite strict categories however I have to say that I recognize my primary and secondary conflict behavior quite well in the descriptions. Can you identify yourself with a particular category?
I think I'm missing what is probably the single most effective way of dealing with conflicts, especially in client/service provider situations like the one you described: the psychological approach where you get your way by making the other person come to the decision/idea that you've already settled for. It's not easily done, especially with people who know this strategy, but it can work like a charm. Obviously, there's a moral aspect: You should only use this approach if you are fairly certain that your way is the best way (the good old "I know best what's best for you") in order not to harm the other person. Or, of course, if you don't give a damn about the other person. ;-)
ReplyDeleteHi Clemens,
Deletethe way you describe the approach it sounds a little bit more like manipulation than a real collaboration to me which certainly is a powerful tool of persuasion that needs to be handled with care...
Thanks for the comment and hope to see you again :) Laura
Hi,
ReplyDeleteconflicts in a employee-employer relationship are quite interesting. Sometimes I get the impression that employees see theselves in a child-parent relationship with their employer. If there are problems or they do not feel comfortable they tend to cry and complain - maybe not literally but almost. An employee-employer relationship is a professional, not a private relationship. So as an employee you should never react as if it was private.
First thing is to get your spontaneous feelings under control. Then think about how you can solve the problem without complaining. Be solution oriented and not emotion-driven. And do not forget that every conflict is a chance to win and build trust if you prove to be able resolve such situations.
I have been working as a freelance consultant for 12 years now and I often see the difference between employees and external consultants. Consultants had to learn to serve the customer. This does not mean to do everything the customer wants and "swallow every toad". It means that you handle the situation in a rational and professional way - not like a child!
And never forget the chance to win from a conflict.
Enjoy your conflicts.
A.K.
Hi A.K,
Deletethank you for sharing your valuable experiences. I think you raised a very good point about the separation of private and professional conflicts. And the mistakes you described above are exactly the ones I made but I guess it is important to also make negative conflict experiences to learn from them.
Laura
Hi Laura,
ReplyDeletenowadays, it is important to be always strong. You have to prevail. All do so and so this will inevitably lead to rivalries. The basis of the problem is the type of communication. Transmitter and receiver may carry the information in different ways. Some people may be more auditive, others are kinesthetic. (Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP))
There are so many more options than just the spoken or written word. The balance is hard to find, but over time I found a good way. I understand my fellow man better and the problems are resolved quickly.
Go on Laura, I like your blog.
Greetings from Berlin
Sebastian
Hey Sebastian,
Deletethank you for joining the Learning Curve discussion. I do agree with you that it is easier for some people to communicate better in conflict situations than for others. I am glad that you found a way that suits you best.
I am glad you liked the blog and I hope to see you soon again. All the best, Laura
I am definitely a "compromising" user in conflicts.
ReplyDeleteProbably because of the reason that i really don´t like arguments with people. As all of us have different stand points,I think it's important to strike a balance everyone can deal with.
I have the same behavior as Rowena - compromising is my way to go. I don't think that forcing, accommodating nor avoiding are good when it comes to resolving any kind of conflict. Compromising usually leaves both parties content with slight taste of disappointment, but the method works (usually). I agree that collaborating is the best of all methods, but it does tend to be rather time consuming, and time is not something that business have a lot of.
ReplyDeleteHello Rowena and Magi Stoimenova,
Deleteglad to see that you could identify yourselves with a conflict style. I do agree with you Magi that collaborating is a great thing to aspire but not always the quickest way to find a solution. However even though businesses might not have a lot of time I think that it is worth for some conflicts to take the time to resolve them in the best manner possible, don't you think?
Thanks for the comments. Laura
When I face a conflict my first impulse is to talk and behave a little bit agressive. However I think it's extremly important to remain calm, because losing your nerves is obviously taking you nowhere. Because as you said, when you think afterwards you always regret not keeping the calm.
ReplyDeleteHello Sandra,
DeleteI know that impulsiveness only too well and I'm sure you will agree with me that it is easy to say 'keep your cool' but when you are the a situation it is very hard sometimes. I hope this post helped you a little bit to think about your conflict approach so that your next conflict will be resolve easier. Take care, Laura
When I face a conflict I always want to talk to the person and sort it out, ie hearing their views and voicing mine and then compromising. As such, I really dislike the avoidance method as I feel it makes the issue fester below the surface and sour the relationship be it work or friendship.
ReplyDeleteHi Faye,
DeleteI think this is a very healthy view you have because as you said avoiding conflicts will only lead them to build up until you have enough one day and you may take your frustration out on the wrong person in the wrong situation.
Thanks for your comment and I hope to see you again on Learning Curve. Laura
I think this blog is very helpful to understand how one reacts when you encounter yourself with this situations. The information here (which is very easy to understand) has made me realize which type I'm and how I can shape my reaction depending on the situation. I do believe it would be interesting to dig deeper into which kind of reactions people get more often in different jobs and why? For example I have worked most of my life in the Tourism Industry and I have realized that (even when I work in different countries) most tourism or hospitality establishments react in a "Compromising" manner in its majority. Some establishments do it in a "Competing/Forcing2 manner. I wonder why that is? Do you have different opinions of how conflict is handled primarily in other branches of work such as construction or media for example? Or even in my example? Hope to see your reaction soon. Thank you again for the valuable information.
ReplyDeleteKindly,
H.A.L.E.
Hi, H.A.L.E.
DeleteI am very happy you find my blog useful and interesting.
To your question: It depends if the conflict is between employees within the company or between an employee and a customer. As you have worked mostly within the service industry you know how important it is to keep your customers happy. So if a conflict appears many companies try and avoid it or as you said compromise to find a quick solution. However, and I'm sure if you ever had a conflict between you and your employer you will have noticed that his conflict behaviour changed in contrast to when he was dealing with a customer. So I guess it is safe to say that it primarily depends on who you are in a conflict with and the relation you have with him (i.e. customer-service provider or employer-employee).
My personal experiences have also been in the service sector and the creative industry. The difference between those two when dealing with a conflict with a customer is that customers sometimes are not aware of what the best creative solution for them is. Hence you cannot avoid a conflict as the end result may reflect negatively upon you. So I guess you are right that some industries adopt different conflict behaviours when dealing with customers.
Thank you for your thought provoking comment and I hope to see you soon again on Learning Curve. Laura
Hiya Laura!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very insightful post! I have to admit I'm guilty of a number of the negative conflict resolution approaches. I have taken the approaches of avoidance and compromising. I know they're not the right way to go about things, but I'm not a conlfict lover and I tend to go in these directions.
I definitely believe that collaborating is the right way to go about things, and is beneficial to all parties!
Daisy xx
It is funny to see how a topic can be dealt with differently since as you said I discussed a similar issue in my respective blog (keotaro.wordpress.com)!
ReplyDeleteYour approach is very professional and insightful.congrats for your hard work and thx for your advices ;)